Craig Manning

Nicknames: Strokes Kid
Quotable Quotes: "Spinner! Are you stalking me, or what?"

Craig looks like he belongs to the hip rock band The Strokes. He also plays guitar, so he must be part of that crazy quartet of rockers. For some reason, the show rarely acknowledges this. They do show him with his side project Downtown Sasquatch, which besides him also has Marco on bass, Spinner on drums, and Jimmy on rhythm guitar. They have the hit song "Cheating on Ashley is No Big Deal", which beat out the band Ashley fronts, Hell Hath No Fury, and their song "Fuck You Craig."

However life has not always been kind to Craig. He used to live with his father who would beat him. Missing a loving family, he took candid pictures of his half sister, Angela and her father Joey, because this is the creepiest way to interact with them that he can think of. He tried to convince Angela to run away with him to British Columbia. This understandably pissed of Joey, who told Craig to leave them alone. Word got to Craig's dad, who decided to beat him. Craig becomes suicidal and decided to let a train run him over. Luckily, Sean was there to save him. When Sean is the voice of reason, you know you're in trouble. After finding out that his father beats him, Joey let Craig move in with him, apparently because in Canada, you can just adopt kids even if they still have parents who want them.

Craig then goes on to date Ashley in her post Goth stage. This is good for both of them, it helps Ashley shed the Goth image, but she still is Goth enough to like 80s punk bands and play guitar, so the two of them share a common interest. However, one common interest they don't share is sex. Craig is a fan of it, but Ashley isn't. It seems like no matter what Craig does, he can't get lucky.

This all changes one Friday night when Joey insinuates that Craig should leave so that he and Caitlin can have sex on the couch. Craig says he is going to Jimmy's house, and later shows up at a rave. We can only assume it is being held in Jimmy's basement since Jimmy is watching porn upstairs. Craig and Manny start dancing and end up getting caught getting freaky on Emma's bed. Why they decided to have sex on Emma's bed instead of a bed in one of the houses one of them live in is never explained. Craig ends up eventually impregnating Manny, and driving away Ashley. Things look bad for him, but then Manny gets an abortion and The Strokes release there newest album to mostly positive reviews, so everything is going his way now.

Final Grade: A

Craig is a rocking guy. He manages to steal a car, convert Ashley away from being a Goth, impregnate Manny, and win a battle of the bands all in less then two seasons. I'd like to see Chris do that.